Crap from my brain, straight to yours.

Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Should We?

"Why should we buy the Gold Disc original and not Purple Disc DVD-R?"

"ndsanfjfoaas dsfnkfj tiat safni dsfgndsfk affsdnmwei tiat?"

All the pirated DVDs I bought have awesome qualities. So why shouldn't we?

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Stop Fucking Cursing In Public, Shithead!

Cursing has been a bad habit for me. Sometimes, just sometimes I can't stop myself but to curse. It's like... a curse. I do at times control my language for the sake of not embarrassing myself or to avoid awkward moments. Once, I cursed in front of my mum and she kept quiet. That was a very awkward moment for me. Fuck that shit.

One thing that has been boggling my mind is why do we need to curse? I mean, yeah, it just grows in you. Then, I made some research of my own (I'm not THAT stupid) and found out that we curse to express our feelings with a more powerful impact. For example:-

"It's FUCKING hot!"

"Don't be a DICK, please."


Imagine, if you meet a bitch, would you describe her as a mean lady? Because the word "mean" sometimes is not that influential. Know what I mean? And if you meet a cunt-head bastard, would you describe him as a mean guy? No. Cunt-head bastard is, in a way, more appropriate. Oh, cursing is beautiful.

And sometimes, just sometimes, cursing is cool. I'm sure most people agree with this. I'm a hundred percent fucking sure about this statement.

I also did a research on how to stop cursing. Just replace any bad words with not-so bad words like instead of saying "fuck" say "truck"

"Shit" say "Poo" (learnt this from South Park)

So, the conclusion is... wait, there is no conclusion...

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Crap Thought #1

Definition of love is "that thing you feel with someone you, like, uhh, like totally wanna spend your life with. You know what I mean? It's like when you sleep, you think of the person or you really care about, uhh.. about the person. You know what I mean?"

My friend told me that. He's an idiot, don't worry.

I heard a song from Nazareth called Love Hurts. That song is too fucking emo for me but when I thought about it, whatever the guy said about love is true.

But hey, what do I know about love? I've only fell in love once and I'm not sure whether it was love or lust because we spent 90% of our time together having sex. Ever since we broke up, I had a one and a half year of dry spell and still counting. Life blows.

I'm a loser. I'm just that guy you see drinking hot chocolate at cafes in the morning reading newspaper.

And I only read the cartoon section.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Relationship Tips from a Guy Who Knows Shit About Relationship

Guys are from Mars, Girls are from Venus. What are we doing on Earth? I don't know. What I do know is that the Martians and the Venus-ian can never understand each other.

Why is it that we always confuse each other? I'll tell you why: because we keep on thinking that we are from different planets.

When a guy says "I don't understand girls lah." just give him a slap. What is there to understand? Okay, stereotype of girls: weak, romantic, needs to be taken care of, etc. If you say "Darling, I'll help you to carry that heavy box." to Amelia Earhart (Google her) how would she respond? She'd say "Baby, I'm more of a man than you are."

Stereotype of guys: stupid, immature, lazy etc. Yeah, sure. Tell that to Stephen Hawking. He'd laugh in a robotic tone "Ha.... ha.... ha.... ha...."

So what are we then, if we are not Martians or Venus-ians? We are Earthlings, motherfudger. We are just the same except that we go to different public toilets. So don't buy any book that says "To understand Men/Women..." because the minute you do that, you won't understand shit.

We are individuals. Everyone is different. Don't try to understand girls/boys, understand the PERSON. Learn about him/her.

I read a girl's blog and she said "I hate boys! I don't want to have anything to do with boys again!!! What he did to me was just EVIL!!!" (She underlined the word 'Evil') I thought "Wow. Thanks a lot, girl. You blamed my gender for what a guy, whom I don't even have any kind of connections with, did to you." Don't be a George Bush. George Bush destroyed Iraq, Afghanistan just to get Osama and Saddam. You want to be Bush? I know you don't.

I'm not saying that there are no differences between us. I'm just saying, the differences or the similarities does not apply to all.

Don't label the jar if you don't know what's inside of it.

Friday, 26 March 2010

Mother Earth and Daughter Earth.

One day, Mother Earth got drunk. Daughter Earth, who's having SPM this year, approached Mother Earth.

"Mom! Have you been drinking again?!"

"Yes! I-- Yes!"

"What have you been drinking?!"

"Margarita, mamasita. Ah ahah ahah! Haa..."

"Mom, what about the people? You're suppose to take care of the earthlings."

"Fuck the Earthlings, son--"

"I'm your daughter..."

"--did you know that they're killing the trees, like, shitload of trees? It's unbelievable! I'm not loved anymore! Hundreds of years ago I was worshiped! Like Madonna. Now I'm old and hated! Like Madonna."

"But Mom, it's your responsibility to take care of the earthlings. You have to do what you were made to do."



"--I have done all I can to make the Earth a nice place. I have provided the Earthlings with nice air to breath. And they made factories and deteriorates the air. I've provided them with the ocean, and they spilled oil all over it."

Mother Earth started to weep. "Have you seen the ocean? It's fucking beautiful! I mean, seriously, can anyone make an ocean like I do? No! It's fucking beautiful, man! I put little seagulls and little fishies and fucking turtles! Baby turtles are cute! And the Earthlings fucking ruin it! FUCK THE EARTHLINGS, man! Fuck 'em!"


"Yes, daughter?"

"I love you."

Mother Earth stopped weeping.

"When I was 14, I lost my virginity to your father's brother."

"Mom! What?! Come on!"

"He was hot. He's like if Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Edward Cullen had a threesome, and they had a baby, that baby is your uncle."

"Mom, stop all this drinking."

"You are my world, daughter. I don't care about the Earthlings. I care about you. Earthlings can eat shit for all I care. You're my world."


Mother Earth hugged Daughter Earth. They cried. Mother Earth made a promise to focus entirely on Daughter Earth and not the Earthlings.

Earthlings are pretty much screwed.